Aquarian Diaries

A life

2007-08-17T14:51:00.000+06:00

What if you had only a few days to live?

Suddenly everything comes into view and you are stabbed with the fear of leaving everything you’ve grown up with, people you’ve come to love along the way, an existence you were so fond off but now you cant think of anything else but silently listen to the rain. Surprisingly you find solace in the soothing beat and long to walk out of the house and stand in the rain and let the water wash away this disease that is hungrily taking your life.

In this stage you choose to be happy. Desperately trying to believe that this state of mind will perhaps by a stroke of luck rid you off the pain and things will go back to normal, normal meaning the mundane life; the old grumpy office chair, the complaining parents, the silly friends, the life you got carried away by, that you took it for granted.

You try to close your eyes for awhile, hoping that the diagnosis by the doctor was just a bad dream and feel that once you open your eyes you will wake up to feeling foolish, of suddenly being so philosophical and serious and flippantly joke about it with friends.

Yes, this is a time when you desperately cling to all sorts of thoughts and scenarios, when you feel the need to remember every moment in your life, before you stop remembering. You remember your mom’s lovely garden of tulips, you see yourself being chased around the fish pond by your brother and clumsily falling down and scraping your knee. You remember the ghost stories your grandfather used to tell with such fervor and you can still feel the cold chill run down your spine. You remember the picnics with your family and clearly see your father casting his fishing rod in the river, where after a while you see a frantic trout caught on the hook …you are reminded of death and forget this memory instantly. You remember being the subject of complaint amongst teachers and see that annoyed look on your mom’s face after school…it’s a miracle how you turned to be an ace in college. You remember not belonging on either side of your parent’s family, and when growing up you always wondered why you spoke fluent English while your friends could speak fluent Dzongkha. You remember your first crush and blush at the sight of him catching you with a weak knee. You remember your crazy friends from school and the hilarious punishments you all got from the Biology teacher for bunking classes. You remember the first party you went to and the feeling of embarrassment, when your parents came to pick you up, when the party hadn’t even started. Memories are now rapturously flooding, and the streaming hot tears blurs remembering and slowly brings me to awareness, brings me to “now”.

In death you find the reason to live, and until that fateful day comes you make sure you live the remaining days in happiness.

Prologue to a Crush

2006-11-29T16:09:00.000+06:00

A gush of words exchanged, in that race of awkward moment

I disappear in a shy laugh, a façade I’ve grown into

I forget sometimes, that we hardly spoke

I forget, I forget your voice.

Your vivid smile, shackles my corridors of poise

I memorize that moment, the ecstasy of an infatuated mind

I forget again, that your affections are vague

I forget, I forget I am just crushing.

Insanity tickles, this naughty state of bliss

I finally see things, in a beautiful muddled clarity

I forget consciously, that you are just you

I forget, I forget this is a dream

At last I steal, those secret glances

All secretly put away, in a box of beautiful memories

I forget the hours, the hours before I met you

I forget, I forget I am forgetting

Nothingness

2006-05-16T11:52:00.000+06:00

The moon breaks the heavy darkness
Moonlighting in this lonely room
my cigarettes long burnt
then this monstrous guest creeps in
shaking whatever thoughts that live
ebbing paced poise
ebbing believed judgments

Aptitude Dreaming

2006-02-22T15:24:00.000+06:00

Waves twirl around in ravishing delight,
new moon brings light to the dark night,
anxious creatures scurry forth to their abode,
old hermit appears from within...
lovers passionate as ever...
gone are the days,
come happiness elate me with pleasure enough to suffice my tired soul,
faceless knight take my hand…
retreat me to utopia…
on appears the light of the new dawn,
dreamers break free,
memories flee away...
placeless dreams
All, gone with the wind...

Art of Nirvana

2006-02-20T12:20:00.000+06:00

Succulent peace throbs the mind,
In this place so sought after.
White! the color of peace.
idols of the enlightened one,
glowing undeniably…
thudding of the gigantic barrel,
summoning the creators,
murmuring silent mantras,
blowing the droning horns,
aroma of incense enhancing the air,
red clad monks selling stories...
believers and misbelievers gaze in awe,
holy faces all around...
shrouding sinned scars,
each chant fills an aura,
an aura to Nirvana...
Has anyone yet succeeded?
An unanswered question,
yet the art of nirvana,
still pace less,
still mysterious.
still sought after,
like the distant stars in the sky.

A child’s lament

2006-01-03T10:21:00.000+06:00

The sullen music weeps a tune
I listen
Yet I cannot hear
I sing
Yet I cannot sound
Like the nymph on MTV
I am forgotten

Couplet of Hope

2005-12-12T13:11:00.000+06:00

Whilst I recline to slumber,
thoughts collide into patches of dreams.
Awed at how they outnumber,
attaining forbidden reams.
Depression clouds the insipid poetess.
Having never writ for ages,
Oh! What shadowed distress.
Harrowing glorified sages…
Has not man sired his own mind?
I tempt thee with scared truth.
Gone all ye faithful kind,
to a journey of eternal soothe.
Shall this be the last supper?
Break thy bread of hope!

Ode to the Lovelorn

2005-11-16T10:35:00.000+06:00

Oft have I loved thee.
Oft have I cared.
Let it be for men to see,
Tis love be not reared.
Oh, no! it is the stubborn stain,
that is loathe to leave.
Unless shall it retain,
another love to believe.
Empathy! be mine only faith.
Like the sun to every sentient being,
brings light on all to bathe.
To those all seeing…
Chant thy silent vespers,
into the gentle good night.

Prayer to St. Lucifer

2005-11-15T15:31:00.000+06:00

Solitary mind of mine,
Raptures into the forbidden hours
The hours, the hours, ah! The hours.

Salty tears teases,
On innocent cheeks, flowing
Free flowing, flowing, finally free.

Things left unsaid,
Reality thwarts, this hopeless romantic
The hopeless, the hapless, the hopeless pleas.

Dreams perfume, the naïve
A whole life led. Shoo! these poisonous dreams!
Poisonous hours, poisonous hope, this flowing poison.

The uninvited pirate, strides on
Impassive villain, oh! Uncompassionate marauder.
Marauding the hours, plunder these hopeless flowing dreams…

I beg of you,
Take your leave.

Aphorism of a dead artist

2005-11-15T11:37:00.000+06:00

I. Living

Stereotyped sitcoms, daft noises
This is us!
What’s for breakfast?
“Eminem “
Lukin like Britney, whatsoever Spears
Angst written all over…
“Outcast”
“Outcast”
Into the maddening crowd
The horde of pop culture
Gasoline prices have hiked,
Waning chances to travel further
Amplifying the sound of hate…
The colored banner now on display,
We cry for a revolution!
Whilst shaking hands with the devil.
We still breathe, through cracked remnants of the day.

Inside the fissure of nothingness
Everything is bliss

II. Death

“Check mate” grins the devil
All that burns is the candle
Into the dead night
Into the subversive blindness
Into the unbearable lightness of oblivion

Inside the fissure of nothingness
Everything is bliss

III. Absolution

Cast out from the haloed scrutiny
The candle, long thawed
Memory ebbs!
Existence looses to extinction
Fossil of past splendor
We hope for the colored banner!
We hope for the waking dream…

Inside the fissure of nothingness
Everything is bliss

Midnight snack

2005-11-14T17:23:00.000+06:00

Rebels on the loose ; the grasses seem greener
outburst of infinite raindrops ;this unholy wetness
making love to the naked skin ;deriding all sanity
visions of eternal sunshine ;mocks the moth serenaded lamps
caskets of mad thoughts ;teases this simple mind
this is us!
ive become me!
my meaning, this insane meaning
staring at the slushy shoes, this tussled hair, ghastly make-up!
i wake up.
the dream long lost
i long for the childhood cries
i long for the innocent laughter
i long for the moments

Waiting Unlimited

2005-11-14T14:22:00.000+06:00

Time breathes through this mortal skin
Leaving younger days behind
Wreaths being placed on the unmasked kin,
this is our last goodbye

Time creeps down the unearthed mind knocking,
knocking, knocking
we have lost this tasteless rind
leave your carvings to the sculptor

Time slashes hoping hopes
Brewing like the school cook's broth
The young lover elopes
Ah! Foolish memory

Time memorizes this rattling rain
Gloom written on every cloud
Gray, gray, gray pain
The clock stops ticking

This is our wait.
Our scrupulous patience!